Incomplete… Part V

Single… and Fabulous? 

Photo by marsmettnn tallahaassee on flickr

Photo by marsmettnn tallahaassee on flickr

I was out at an exclusive event the other night, wearing a new dress, lamenting the fact that I hadn’t broken in my shoes properly in my head, while outwardly smiling, shaking hands, and making small talk with professional acquaintances. A photographer stopped us and asked for a photo, to be published in a local publication the next month. While my eyes adjusted from the flash, another friend whipped out her phone, took a picture, and posted it on Facebook immediately. The comments and likes started immediately…

https://www.flickr.com/photos/gerardstolk/8157018623/in/photolist-dqNRs8-7SCPJ-6iLrCe-4X4iv1-5hyGmW-4c2TJA-4enh8T-4Ko6LX-9ty6St-egbCom-4nT674-4UkPv7-4TN2dR-4nTgvR-4RVcbk-4o7V7h-4WUDUC-4q9RS2-4N1ngV-4nRzhT-4PHHGG-4SwiAP-4PHKxs-4svq9R-4nBdxg-4NtRma-4nJKv1-2kwfm6-4nWQ1A-4y76HG-4xNECQ-57NFj3-4BDgUe-4nWh7c-4d5LCZ-4oT2hH-bdHcjP-4MecCZ-9QBfA7-fJrPJT-eAunFY-4XHvXE-xGpN-6RwLRw-4UL9xQ-4W4Q3G-4nVzmu-4VyqQX-4nTgsv-drtkRh

Photo by Gerard Stolk on Flickr.

Your life is so fabulous!

You know what? It is. It is fun. It is fabulous. I have worked hard, and I love what I get to do for a living. You know what’s coming though, right?

BUT…

Yep. There it is. BUT… it would be great to have someone there with me. Yes, my friends are great and I love spending time with them, but someone with whom I can escape into a corner and watch the crowd and giggle over the endless selfies, and squeals of, “Oh, my God, I love her!” which, at times, are about as sincere as a proud whore repenting in church on a Sunday morning. Someone who, perhaps, doesn’t care about the latest ombre gel nailcolor trend. Someone who appreciates that I dressed up, and can’t wait to dress me down at the end of the night… as opposed to that Jersey Shore creeper who keeps sidling up to me to try to grab yet another glimpse of my rack, while nibbling mindlessly on limp crudite. Someone who can make me laugh at a joke, instead of trying to make me laugh at a person who may not have dressed up quite right for said event.

When I come home from nights like these, my phone blowing up with Facebook notifications and comments on Instagram exclaiming how much fun we all had together, I often stop in front of my mirror to look myself over, and find myself wishing I had someone there to curl up with on the couch and talk about our respective days… Instead, I undress without ceremony, get ready for bed, and get ready to start another day.

I like being able to shed my professional façade, my persona (if you will), and just being my goofy, slightly stabby self with the amazing people in my life. To me, that is a life well-lived… and I’m wondering when I’ll find someone to share it all with.

Being “fabulous” is fun, but at the end of the day, designer clothes, beautiful shoes, and material trappings don’t do much to warm your heart… or body.

Advertisements

Incomplete… (Part II)

No One Ever Marries the ‘Fun Girl.’

Years ago, in my carefree 20s, I dated a really great guy for a while–he was smart, cute, funny, and we had fantastic chemistry. We met for cocktails one evening after work, and we talked, we laughed, we flirted… He took my hand in his and looked into my eyes. I remember my heart beating a little faster, & my breath caught in the intensity of his gaze.

“God, I always have so much fun with you, even when we’re just hanging out, doing something lame, like laundry, or going to the grocery store. You’re so great!” I smiled, maybe even blushed a little. His smile faltered. “It’s just… I’m looking for something a little more serious. I want to settle down, you know?” My eyes widened. What’s going on?

“No one ever marries the ‘fun girl.’ I mean, you’re great, but… I need to be with someone more serious.” He signaled for the check. “It just can’t be this easy all the time. I really like you, but…” He trailed off, and never finished the sentence. I stared at him with my mouth hanging open. He signed the bill and sighed. “I’m… I’m sorry.” He patted my hand, got up, and kissed the top of my head before he walked away. I turned and watched him walk away, my mouth still hanging open.

The bartender caught my eye, and wordlessly, fixed me the strongest shot I’ve ever had. I slammed it, flashed a watery smile at him, and walked out. I hurt, but my heart began to harden, just a little.

No One Ever Marries the ‘Fun Girl.’

Really? Why not? I don’t know the answer. Years ago, I determined that I needed to live my life in a way that makes me happy, and I have done my best to live up to that. I work hard, play hard, pay the bills, & save for retirement. I can’t wait around and live my life for someone else, someone who has yet to materialize.

I have met & dated a variety of guys, but it doesn’t last long. They’re happy to date me, be with me, be seen with me, but a long-term commitment? No.

I’m confused. I would like to be with someone who is intelligent, who challenges me, complements me, wants to be with me… and I want to have fun with that person as we work to build a life together, deal with the ups & downs as they happen. I won’t give up hope, but I also won’t put my life, my personality, on hold just to find someone to love me. He has to love me for who & what I am, just as I would for him.

You know what KILLS me? I have run into some of those guys who told me they couldn’t settle down with me, the ‘fun girl.’ They smile wryly, tell me they miss me, my personality… and proposition me. I don’t think so. You found the ‘serious’ girl of your dreams, go live your life, buddy.

Life isn’t all fun & games, but if you can find the joy in it and celebrate it when you can… it makes it all a lot easier to deal with, I think.