On Thursday, October 28th, I posed this to the Twitterverse: ‘Question: is it THAT hard to have the ‘exclusive’ talk when you are dating someone? If u’re f*cking, u should be able to talk to each other!’ I expected a few mouthy responses, maybe 10 at the most. No, no… this started a sh*tstorm over over 200 tweets! Whoa. I was NOT expecting that. Below, I will share some of the tweets that came my way that night… Do you agree or disagree?
I actually called my ex to find out how we had ‘The Talk’. He recalled that I told him that I “don’t share. If you want to do the nasty with someone else, then we’re not moving forward from here.” Which he respected & was happy to accommodate. And the rest is history, I suppose.
The first response (which I received within seconds of posting the tweet) was from none other than the fabulously unreserved @XoXoSukanya, who responded with this: “I agree 100% You’ll let him put his pee stick inside of you, but you can’t tell him how you feel.”
Later in the evening, I received a tweet from @DavidDennison, who tweeted, “I think the boundaries to the relationship should be clearly stated. Communication is always key.” I completely agree with his tweet.
- Talk to each other!
@Jammabear came up with a good 6-tweet point: ‘The problem here is this most women need communication in a relationship to be able to continue in it, whereas men see ‘a talk’ as a red alarm, something they really don’t want to do. That’s why Steve Harvey (haha) in his book says that women should never say ‘We need to talk’… instead just throw it out there and hopefully you will get the point across and get your answer, i.e don’t make it so formal!’ Do you think @Jammabear/Steve Harvey have a point? Should you have a ‘sit-down’, or just throw it out there at some point? (Special thanks to @Jammabear for not utilizing TwitLonger, as I despise it!)
@NormTheMinotaur doesn’t believe that things need to be spelled out. He stuck with his initial point, which was this: “I’ve always found it unnecessary for that talk. I kinda just went ‘exclusive’ if seeing someone for a while”, and continued with “my point is, what’s the need in declaring ‘exclusivity’? I mean, shouldn’t the fact that you’re together be enough?” He further tweeted with “I don’t see what’s so hard about being with someone and just being with them and not having to state it. my point is, it should already be understood. I’m not talking about someone you go out with once in a while, but if I’m seeing you pretty consistently for like 2 months, I would assume that we were exclusive.” What do you think? Do you agree with Norm, or do you need a more definitive discussion?
The lovely and married @gritsnyc stepped in and shared her thoughts. “Yeah, but that’s a pretty big talk. I mean, it took me 6 hrs of unexplained crying before I told S. I loved him the 1st time.’ In response to my question ‘Are you glad you had the talk?’, she said, “Well, I am now that we’re married! But to be so vulnerable if you’re not sure the other person feels the same – that’s scary.” I said “For me, I’d like to know where I stand, not find out otherwise a little while later.” She said, “Maybe. But then, I’ve never had a problem with where I stand. Without love, exclusivity isn’t my thing. I’m a weirdo, I know.” I don’t think she’s a weirdo, but is it ever easy to have the talk? Can you deal with being in that vulnerable position?
@Karaminder, who stated that he had been on both sides of ‘the talk’, responded with this: “You have that talk, you could scare him off for good too.” When I asked him if he would want to be w/ someone who would run away if you asked them to commit, he answered “Hey, at least they’re running off and not sticking with you and wasting your time. I’ve been on both ends of that.” Smart, in my opinion. But heart-breaking if they run away.
Another random Caucasian, @cwgalli, answered my query with this: ‘i never thought the exclusivity talk was all that tough– simple question with a simple answer: agree or disagree. done.’ While I disagree with his non-use of capitalization, I agree with his tweet.
The dashingly delicious (in a completely straight way) @MinnieGupta came back to my original query with this: “I prefer to tell him we’re exclusive rather than leaving it open for discussion, but that’s just me. #territorialscorpio” Smart cookie, no?
The always calm & wise @ChaiChatter responded with “Why even allow him to be an option? He’s not making you a priority as you are him.” Ain’t that the truth?
@Thathoo, who seemed lazy & unlike anyone I’d ever want to spend time with, came back with the FOB-esque & rather lame response of “what do u mean by exclusive talk?” When I told him to go back through his timeline and read, he tweeted, ‘too lazy to do so, TLDR (Too Long, Didn’t Read)’. If the dude can’t scroll back through his freakin’ timeline, he has no business being in someone else’s bed, don’t you think? No one likes a lazy lover.
So… what do you think? Should you have the commitment talk, or wait & see where things go?