Say “Thank You” & Shut Up.

Please. Take one.

I hate it when I give someone a compliment, and the person side-steps it and says something like, “Oh, no–I don’t look great at all.”

Listen, if I didn’t think that you look fabulous in some way, why would I go out of my way to tell you? Think about it. Accepting a compliment gracefully doesn’t mean you’re arrogant or think you’re better than anyone–it’s a skill… one you need to master.

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So, say “thank you,” blush appropriately at the wonderfulness of the random compliment, and enjoy that spring in your step, would you please? Don’t argue with the complimenter–they may rethink that lovely little tidbit that they shared with you.

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As for the infamous backhanded compliments that Indians just love to give other Indians? Feel free to borrow my knife & do what you please, but a witty lash of the tongue will usually put them in their place.

Take a minute and look at yourself in the mirror… and don’t hesitate to love what you see.

Enjoy your day–you look wonderful.

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Incomplete… (Part II)

No One Ever Marries the ‘Fun Girl.’

Years ago, in my carefree 20s, I dated a really great guy for a while–he was smart, cute, funny, and we had fantastic chemistry. We met for cocktails one evening after work, and we talked, we laughed, we flirted… He took my hand in his and looked into my eyes. I remember my heart beating a little faster, & my breath caught in the intensity of his gaze.

“God, I always have so much fun with you, even when we’re just hanging out, doing something lame, like laundry, or going to the grocery store. You’re so great!” I smiled, maybe even blushed a little. His smile faltered. “It’s just… I’m looking for something a little more serious. I want to settle down, you know?” My eyes widened. What’s going on?

“No one ever marries the ‘fun girl.’ I mean, you’re great, but… I need to be with someone more serious.” He signaled for the check. “It just can’t be this easy all the time. I really like you, but…” He trailed off, and never finished the sentence. I stared at him with my mouth hanging open. He signed the bill and sighed. “I’m… I’m sorry.” He patted my hand, got up, and kissed the top of my head before he walked away. I turned and watched him walk away, my mouth still hanging open.

The bartender caught my eye, and wordlessly, fixed me the strongest shot I’ve ever had. I slammed it, flashed a watery smile at him, and walked out. I hurt, but my heart began to harden, just a little.

No One Ever Marries the ‘Fun Girl.’

Really? Why not? I don’t know the answer. Years ago, I determined that I needed to live my life in a way that makes me happy, and I have done my best to live up to that. I work hard, play hard, pay the bills, & save for retirement. I can’t wait around and live my life for someone else, someone who has yet to materialize.

I have met & dated a variety of guys, but it doesn’t last long. They’re happy to date me, be with me, be seen with me, but a long-term commitment? No.

I’m confused. I would like to be with someone who is intelligent, who challenges me, complements me, wants to be with me… and I want to have fun with that person as we work to build a life together, deal with the ups & downs as they happen. I won’t give up hope, but I also won’t put my life, my personality, on hold just to find someone to love me. He has to love me for who & what I am, just as I would for him.

You know what KILLS me? I have run into some of those guys who told me they couldn’t settle down with me, the ‘fun girl.’ They smile wryly, tell me they miss me, my personality… and proposition me. I don’t think so. You found the ‘serious’ girl of your dreams, go live your life, buddy.

Life isn’t all fun & games, but if you can find the joy in it and celebrate it when you can… it makes it all a lot easier to deal with, I think.

How Many Licks?

The other night, I was thinking about dating, relationships, sex, and dealbreakers. So, a thought came to mind, and I tweeted, “If a guy can’t/doesn’t get you off the first time, how many chances do you give him (if any), ladies?” I expected a variety of answers… and while I got them, some people were conspicuously silent.

I was surprised by the number of women who said that guys had one chance–if they didn’t hit a home run on the first try, they were sent home. Then again, I received a couple responses from women who said they would give the guy a few MONTHS to figure his way around. What does he need, a map & a YouTube video for instruction? Oh, wait. Guys don’t ask for directions…

Most of the people who responded (yes, men weighed in as well) to my question stated that they would give the person 2-3 times–along the lines of the ‘3 strikes, you’re OUT’ philosophy. I fall into this category, as well. After all, it’s hard to figure out what someone likes and enjoys in one night, usually while you’re both in the heady rush of being attracted to someone. I feel that if you take the time to feel it out, magic can happen.

I have to wonder about those who remained quiet, despite my asking the question a number of times. Have they never had oral sex? If not, why? If so, has no one gotten to their ‘center’? I have to wonder…

What do you think? How many licks does it take to get to YOUR center?

Well?

WTF, America? Abbreviations that SUCK.

Right.

Brekkie = Breakfast

Jelly, Jeals = Jealous

Champers = Champagne

Presh = Precious

Hilare = Hilarious

Profesh = Professional

Obvi = Obviously

When the hell did this happen?? Seriously. Make. It. Stop. Is it so f-cking hard to pronounce that extra syllable, or wrap your mouth around pronouncing an ‘f’ or an ‘s’? Really, people?

We talk about how people in America are getting stupider. I find that the people who are most defensive of this concept often can’t spell, don’t understand the concept of grammar, and abbreviate words that really do not need abbreviating. Abbreviations are there for a reason, and should only be used if they are commonly used and known.

Sure, you can say & do whatever you want. Honestly. But realize that people will judge you, and perhaps stop listening to you altogether.

Step it up and learn English. After all, if you live in the States (or a country where English is the primary language), shouldn’t you be able to demonstrate mastery of the one language you’re required to learn? (I realize that some of these words may be commonly used in other countries. Leave them to those countries, will you please?)

If you decide you need to use any of these abbreviations anywhere in my immediate vicinity, please realize 2 things:

  • I will immediately lose respect for you.
  • My knife is easier to unsheathe than you think.

Don’t make me get my knife.

Going The Distance…

Sometimes, that's just the way it is...

So… Last night was interesting. A Tweep (I’ll call her JB) posted an article about a couple that has made a long distance relationship work, & said something like ‘See? If you’re really committed, you can make it work.’

I don’t disagree, but I can say: Long distance relationships are HARD. They take a lot of work, and both parties have to be equally committed. I have been in two such relationships: one crashed & burned, and I really hurt someone I cared about, and the other… well, it stumbled into nothingness. I am no success story, though there are plenty of happy endings… and plenty of heartbreak. I have a lot of respect for those that can make it work!

Saying Goodbye SUCKS

One of my mouthy favorites, @XoXoSukanya, recently married her long-distance love, but was open about the challenges, as well as how they coped with the distance. She said that having an ‘expiration date’ to the amount of time they were apart helped immensely… as well as the handy-dandy remote vibrator that can be controlled with a webcam app. Damn, girl! Well, I certainly learned something there! @deepidhaliwal shared her success story as well: ‘Had one for 3 months befor unlimited calling plans.Phone bills in the 1000’s so decided  to live together & parents made us get married.’ Wow–they had a quickie wedding in Vegas 8 years ago (due to ‘punjabi parents flipped out about living together’) and have a son. Good for them!

One of my favorite couples on Twitter, @pareshg & @SmugAsTee, gave us a little insight into their thoughts on LDRs, too. Tee shared ‘Ours was a long distance relationship but while it’s great to be able to make it work, not a true indication. I would have wanted more chances for us to see each other in an everyday setting. Being together will be a challenge.’ as well as ‘I don’t think anybody disagrees on effort. All relationships require effort. But LDRs are a bit skewed.’ @RajaKalsi & his wife had an LDR for 9 years! He shared ‘there is no formula or secret, it has its ups and downs like any relationship, its up to the people involved to assess the cost vs reward, in our case the cost was worth the reward…’ Congrats–always great to hear the success stories!

I miss you...

Almost everyone agrees: long distance relationships are very difficult. As the illustrious @CurryBear tweeted to JB & me, ‘just cause there’s an exception doesn’t change the rule. Long distance is very difficult.’ & also stated ‘in LDR there are variables. Some will help & some will not. Trying is not enuff. Gotta take a few leaps of faith.’ @Darshy had an interesting point: ‘LDR statistically last longer, but as soon as both parties are in the same loc it ends rather quickly.’ Why do people do it? @Darshy piped up again: ‘I’ve had a LDR for 5 yrs, then ended 1yr after being in the same loc. But you do it – in hopes that it is *the one*.’ Isn’t that the truth?? @Kreative shared her view on LDRs, too: ‘only works if you are comfortable w/yourself & your life. The minute one of you make the other your world, there’s a problem.’ Another lovely, @Rossy1300 also shared her tales of heartbreak ‘HUGE failure. The fallout was devastating. It’s been 5 yrs since and i’m still wounded. I’d never do it again’, though throughout the 5 year endeavor, he made her ‘heartfluttery’, though ultimately, distance became their downfall.

Some key points to keep in mind if you’re in an LDR, according to my lovely Tweeps (I think these work for ‘local’ relationships, too):

  • @IndianGirl: ‘Commitment + trust – most needed. But keepin away from naggin & complainin helps lots. Need to remember it’s hard for both.’
  • @Darshy: ‘If they don’t *fit* w/ your friends, eh they probably don’t fit with you.’
  • @rossy1300: ‘Open communication, kindness, affection, commitment. But physical desires are there.’
  • @TheDailyHoney: (regarding physical intimacy) ‘its important but not crucial, cyber/sexting/webcam = winn :)’
  • @SmugAsTee: ‘Physical intimacy does not equal to sexual intercourse! It leads to it.’
  • @rossy1300: (in response to JB, who stated that, to make an LDR successful, one would have to ‘get over physical attraction’) ‘Physical desires for my partner aren’t something to get over! If i don’t want him, he’s not my partner.’
  • @thathoo: (Who actually stepped up & read through the conversation this time!) ‘i hear ya about the LDR… at the end of the day u need to ask urself if that person really worth it, sometimes s/he is’

I hope this shines a little light onto long-distance relationships and good luck to all of you that have to be apart from your loved ones. Know that we’re all cheering you on!

Are you or have you been in a long-distance relationship? Any words of advice?

P.S. I found myself accused of being jealous & disbelieving of long-distance relationships by JB, the person who started the thread, which, upon seeing numerous disrespectful tweets which were directed at me, but did not mention me, caused me to get harsh with her. I rarely disrespect or lose my temper with people, but I felt that I needed to set her straight. I hope she matures & realizes she does not know all, and, to learn, one must listen and have conversations as part of that process. Good luck, JB.

The Apostrophe… Is it REALLY Necessary?

As some of you may know, I want to eradicate the misuse of the apostrophe.

My Hero!

Seriously, people, when did you all get so stupid? When I get an email with the subject line “Thank’s”, I want to drive to see that person and beat them with a copy of Strunk & White.

An apostrophe is used to indicate possession or use it in a contraction… NOT to make a word plural, people. Get it straight. The Oatmeal apparently feels strongly about this issue as well.

It Says It All, So I Don't Have To

And another thing, people… If you are going use a contraction for “should have” or “could have”, it is “should’ve” or “would’ve”, not this bullshit “should of” and “could of” that I have been subjected to lately. By TEACHERS.  Seriously?! YOU are teaching the youth of this country? Well, we’re just f*cking doomed, now, aren’t we?

So keep this in mind, my lovely readers…

Thank you, and good night.

Things That Piss Me Off…

Stop. Just stop.

I hate it when people write, text, and/or tweet in ALL CAPS. Unless you’re trying to denote yelling, or trying to announce something (e.g., ‘I’M DEAD!’; ‘I LEFT MY HUSBAND!’) there is really no need for it, beyond emphasizing a word or two.

And for those of you who say ‘Whatever. I can do what I want, and it’s not my problem if you think I’m yelling’–take note: when you use CAPS LOCK through all of your correspondence, it is perceived as YELLING. And while it may not bother YOU, it may just bother your street cred.

BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO THINK YOU ARE A MORON.