Why Your Crappy English Makes Me Stabby

Yes. I win ALL the time.

I’m known for my obsession with grammar & spelling, both in person & online. People in my Twitter feed often get pissed at me, telling me to get a hobby or simply to f-ck off.

You know what? I’m not going anywhere, people.

Lamest reason EVER for being single & lonely.

Here’s the thing: With the vast majority of you, the only way I know you is through Twitter, or maybe my Facebook page. My first impression of you is the way you spell & structure your sentences. Remember the old adage, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression”? Yeah, that applies here. If you type/tweet/post like a moron, chances are high that I’m going to think you’re a moron… If the majority of your interactions with people are via text/tweet/Facebook post, some of those people may judge you on your atrocious grammar, too.

You could say I’m an a$$hole, which I very well could be–but I’m not. I see these stupid errors that people make–an unnecessary apostrophe, using “to” instead of “too,” or yet another FOB asking to “make phraansheep” with me–and I find them rather excruciating. For the majority of us (excluding the FOBs), English is our primary (or only) language. Why, then, is it so hard to master? Perhaps it’s not a priority for you, which is understandable; after all, there are so many other things to be concerned with in our daily lives, like what nail polish color you should choose or if your car is as cool as everyone else’s.

If you can’t spell or master basic English grammar, please realize that people may (and probably will) judge you for it. How will you ever apply for a job with a cover letter customized to that position? What about a dating profile? In both of these situations, your writing is your first impression. Don’t screw it up.

This may be your best course of action.

I hope you think of me as you type out your next tweet or send a message on shaadi.com to that sweet honey you’ve been eyeing for the last couple days. Who knows? That sweet little honey could be me.

Make me proud. Don’t look like an idiot.

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WTF, America? Abbreviations that SUCK.

Right.

Brekkie = Breakfast

Jelly, Jeals = Jealous

Champers = Champagne

Presh = Precious

Hilare = Hilarious

Profesh = Professional

Obvi = Obviously

When the hell did this happen?? Seriously. Make. It. Stop. Is it so f-cking hard to pronounce that extra syllable, or wrap your mouth around pronouncing an ‘f’ or an ‘s’? Really, people?

We talk about how people in America are getting stupider. I find that the people who are most defensive of this concept often can’t spell, don’t understand the concept of grammar, and abbreviate words that really do not need abbreviating. Abbreviations are there for a reason, and should only be used if they are commonly used and known.

Sure, you can say & do whatever you want. Honestly. But realize that people will judge you, and perhaps stop listening to you altogether.

Step it up and learn English. After all, if you live in the States (or a country where English is the primary language), shouldn’t you be able to demonstrate mastery of the one language you’re required to learn? (I realize that some of these words may be commonly used in other countries. Leave them to those countries, will you please?)

If you decide you need to use any of these abbreviations anywhere in my immediate vicinity, please realize 2 things:

  • I will immediately lose respect for you.
  • My knife is easier to unsheathe than you think.

Don’t make me get my knife.

WTF, America? You’re Saying It Wrong.

I love being unique.

I am a person. I am of Eastern Indian descent. My parents gave me a traditional, Eastern Indian name. It’s a simple, beautiful name. Five letters long. The meaning suits me well.

The problem? People who don’t want to take a moment to read my name or try to pronounce it correctly. Seriously, people. It’s MY F-CKING NAME. No, you can’t shorten it (it’s five letters long, for chrissake!). No, you can’t call me (insert Anglo name here). I find it highly unprofessional/disrespectful/ignorant/pathetic when people tell me my name is too hard to pronounce.

It's okay to be different. Don't be ashamed of it.

But you know what makes it worse? Those fellow brown people who allow these ignorant morons to mispronounce their names to the point that they begin to introduce themselves to others brown people with the same affected tone. I met a great (brown) guy at a party one night–great personality, good-looking, etc., but I couldn’t get over the fact that he introduced himself to me as ‘Ka-PEEL’–not ‘Ka-pill’, as it’s meant to be pronounced. I had to walk away after I asked him why he mispronounces his own name–‘It’s easier for the Americans. My name isn’t normal, you know.’

Americans are striving to give their kids new and original names. Failing that, they try to spell them differently to set their kids apart (Madison becomes ‘Madysyn’ or some other BS like that). We can’t be proud of being different? Why can’t we be proud of having a heritage that values names & having a language & culture that dates back thousands of years? Just because it makes you uncomfortable when you have to correct people so they can say your name correctly?

Nothing wrong with being different.

When I meet people (& I get out there & meet a lot of people on a daily basis), my name often gets mispronounced. I know, it’s different. I patiently (& kindly) correct them. And you know what? People always make an effort if they know there is an expectation. Try it out sometime.

And remember… If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will.

WTF, America?? Learn English!

Okay, people. I have HAD it with this particular mixup of words. Seriously.

Peek.

Peeking.

Peak.

Mountain Peak.

Pique.

The Dog's Interest? Piqued.

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary (online), the definitions of these words are as follows:

Peek (verb) :

a : to look furtively
b : to peer through a crack or hole or from a place of concealment —often used with in or out

Peak (noun):

1: a pointed or projecting part of a garment; especially : the visor of a cap or hat
2: a sharp or pointed end
a (1) : the top of a hill or mountain ending in a point (2) : a prominent mountain usually having a well-defined summitb : something resembling a mountain peak
a : the upper aftermost corner of a fore-and-aft sail   b : the narrow part of a ship’s bow or stern or the part of the hold in it
5: a : the highest level or greatest degree  b : a high point in a course of development especially as represented on a graph

Pique (verb) :

1: to arouse anger or resentment in : irritate <what piqueslinguistic conservatives — T. H. Middleton>
2  a : to excite or arouse especially by a provocation, challenge, or rebuff <sly remarks to pique their curiosity>  b : pride <he piques himself on his skill as a cook>

I am SICK AND TIRED of seeing people confuse these three words… CONSTANTLY. It’s not “sneak PEAK”, you moron… Unless you happen to be referring to a sneaky mountain or something. If you want people to be interested in a glimpse of your new product, service, boobs, etc., call it what it is: a sneak PEEK.

Don’t make me get my knife.

WTF, America?

I am temporarily shelving my title of Angry Brown Girl… To be replaced with Disgusted and Saddened Brown Girl.

This should really exist.

Have you heard about the kid at Rutgers, Tyler Clementi, that killed himself? This happened last week, after his roommate & his roommate’s friend (Dharun Ravi, and fellow Rutgers freshman Molly Wei) broadcast a video of Clementi hooking up with a man. This story breaks my heart.

I’m not going to get into the hate crime aspect of it… Rather, I want to focus on WHY Ravi & Wei thought this would be okay. Ravi set up his computer to record and broadcast Tyler and his companion hooking up–WHY?? In what circumstance is this okay? Was Ravi bullying Tyler? Did he not like Tyler? I don’t know… But what made Ravi think that he should live-stream Tyler and his date? Was he proud of himself? That’s how I interpreted it, after reading some of his tweets leading up to the day of Tyler’s suicide.

The Today Show on NBC covered this story this morning, and it was said that the suspects were at home with their families, and that Ravi was ‘confused’ and ‘upset’. What is so ‘confusing’ and ‘upsetting’, Dharun Ravi? YOU chose to tweet (you can view DR’s last few tweets here) and then BROADCAST your roommate having sex with another man… TWICE. Your roommate, who may or may not have been open about his sexuality, then jumped off of the George Washington Bridge. You’re ‘CONFUSED’?! YOU BULLIED someone… And (I believe) your actions led to his SUICIDE. And you’re ‘confused’. Give me a f*cking break. Take responsibility for the fact that you acted like a sociopath.

You know what sucks? This insensitive prick, Dharun Ravi, is of Indian descent. I look to be proud of my kinspeople, and I am disgusted to have anything in common with you. And what does your family think? I hope that they can live with the fact that they have YOU as a son.

Otherwise… You have broken two families, Dharun Ravi. You disgust me as a human being, a ‘man’, and a person of Indian descent. I can only wonder how you have hurt people in the past.

Thank you for reading my rant… What do you think about this case? I would like to know your thoughts.

The Apostrophe… Is it REALLY Necessary?

As some of you may know, I want to eradicate the misuse of the apostrophe.

My Hero!

Seriously, people, when did you all get so stupid? When I get an email with the subject line “Thank’s”, I want to drive to see that person and beat them with a copy of Strunk & White.

An apostrophe is used to indicate possession or use it in a contraction… NOT to make a word plural, people. Get it straight. The Oatmeal apparently feels strongly about this issue as well.

It Says It All, So I Don't Have To

And another thing, people… If you are going use a contraction for “should have” or “could have”, it is “should’ve” or “would’ve”, not this bullshit “should of” and “could of” that I have been subjected to lately. By TEACHERS.  Seriously?! YOU are teaching the youth of this country? Well, we’re just f*cking doomed, now, aren’t we?

So keep this in mind, my lovely readers…

Thank you, and good night.

Stage 5 Clinger

Girls’ Night Out.

What do those three words mean to you? For some it means cocktails, dressing up, dancing. For others, it may mean dinner at a great restaurant, deep conversation, and a chance to wear those amazing shoes you bought last month.  Everyone has their own definition, and has fun in their own way. (Then there are those of you that like going to male strip clubs–wow, can I NOT relate to that! No thanks, I’m not willing to PAY to see a man take off his clothes…)

Ick! Get off me!

But for some men, those three little words can make their knees quiver in insecurity… or worse, raise the ugly green head of jealousy. Wait, there is one level down from that–the guy that comes to Girls’ Night Out. We all know that guy, and we cringe from a million miles away. These men tend to make their lovely ladies feel guilty for going out without them, or accuse them of trying to find a replacement for them when they go out. If that’s the way you react to your significant other going out, then yes, she should try finding a new ‘ride’, because you obviously SUCK. But seriously… That kind of behavior will only generate resentment on her end, and possibly drive a wedge between you.

Don’t go pointing the finger at her–look at yourself first.

  • Why are you jealous of her going out?
  • Are you forbidding her to go out?
  • Were you wronged in a previous relationship? If so, that is not grounds for taking your insecurities out on her–deal with your own issues. Otherwise, you’re going to end up alone, and possibly repeat the same vicious cycle.
  • Do you get angry when she says she’s going out with her friends? Be careful here… The thin line between jealousy and violence could be crossed–and you don’t want anyone to get hurt in the long run.

Talk to someone–get some perspective. Or at least talk (‘fly off the handle’ and ‘scream’ do not apply here) to her and let her know how you feel… There’s nothing emasculating about sharing your feelings. She may respond in a way that will surprise you both, and make your relationship better and stronger. And make you a better man.