Why Your Crappy English Makes Me Stabby

Yes. I win ALL the time.

I’m known for my obsession with grammar & spelling, both in person & online. People in my Twitter feed often get pissed at me, telling me to get a hobby or simply to f-ck off.

You know what? I’m not going anywhere, people.

Lamest reason EVER for being single & lonely.

Here’s the thing: With the vast majority of you, the only way I know you is through Twitter, or maybe my Facebook page. My first impression of you is the way you spell & structure your sentences. Remember the old adage, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression”? Yeah, that applies here. If you type/tweet/post like a moron, chances are high that I’m going to think you’re a moron… If the majority of your interactions with people are via text/tweet/Facebook post, some of those people may judge you on your atrocious grammar, too.

You could say I’m an a$$hole, which I very well could be–but I’m not. I see these stupid errors that people make–an unnecessary apostrophe, using “to” instead of “too,” or yet another FOB asking to “make phraansheep” with me–and I find them rather excruciating. For the majority of us (excluding the FOBs), English is our primary (or only) language. Why, then, is it so hard to master? Perhaps it’s not a priority for you, which is understandable; after all, there are so many other things to be concerned with in our daily lives, like what nail polish color you should choose or if your car is as cool as everyone else’s.

If you can’t spell or master basic English grammar, please realize that people may (and probably will) judge you for it. How will you ever apply for a job with a cover letter customized to that position? What about a dating profile? In both of these situations, your writing is your first impression. Don’t screw it up.

This may be your best course of action.

I hope you think of me as you type out your next tweet or send a message on shaadi.com to that sweet honey you’ve been eyeing for the last couple days. Who knows? That sweet little honey could be me.

Make me proud. Don’t look like an idiot.

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Say “Thank You” & Shut Up.

Please. Take one.

I hate it when I give someone a compliment, and the person side-steps it and says something like, “Oh, no–I don’t look great at all.”

Listen, if I didn’t think that you look fabulous in some way, why would I go out of my way to tell you? Think about it. Accepting a compliment gracefully doesn’t mean you’re arrogant or think you’re better than anyone–it’s a skill… one you need to master.

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So, say “thank you,” blush appropriately at the wonderfulness of the random compliment, and enjoy that spring in your step, would you please? Don’t argue with the complimenter–they may rethink that lovely little tidbit that they shared with you.

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As for the infamous backhanded compliments that Indians just love to give other Indians? Feel free to borrow my knife & do what you please, but a witty lash of the tongue will usually put them in their place.

Take a minute and look at yourself in the mirror… and don’t hesitate to love what you see.

Enjoy your day–you look wonderful.

Not Your Type.

How many times have you met someone & immediately thought to yourself ‘This guy/girl isn’t my type?’

Let me present you with two scenarios:

Scenario #1: You meet someone–a friend of a friend, a coworker, someone at a party. You think to yourself ‘He/she is nice, but not my type.’  Then you may see them a few more times… exchange a few pleasantries, maybe a laugh or two. You start to think ‘I like this person. Maybe we should hang out again.’ So you do… platonically, of course. You find yourself looking forward to spending time with this person, even though he or she isn’t your ‘type’. Your hands may brush as he hands you your beer, or she grabs a napkin to help you wipe the BBQ you spilled all over your shirt. Suddenly, and despite your best intentions… there it is: attraction.

Scenario #2: Your parents hand you a photo & a biodata (for those non-Indians reading this, a biodata is, essentially, a personal ad listing one’s profession, hobbies, family members’ backgrounds, and (if especially ignorant) skin tone). They ask you to review it (while they watch you like hawks) and determine if you think you want to meet this person. Honestly, if the person isn’t a looker, are you going to want to say yes? You know NOTHING about this person, except what is on that piece of paper. Even if they have an MD/JD/Ph.D. & are independently wealthy, will he or she make you laugh? Will he open the car door for you after a date? Will she make you feel better about that bald spot forming on your head? You don’t know that. The only thing keeping you from throwing the biodata in your parents’ faces & saying ‘HELL NO!’ are the inevitable groans & sighs from your parents, and the inevitable grumbling that ‘this is why you will never get married.’

Our parents think that we need to make a decision based on certain desirable characteristics: race (our own), caste (our own), education (Let’s just be honest. How many doctors have we all been set up with that can barely tie their own shoelaces or talk about something besides themselves?), family background, their purported interests (how many people’s parents have listed their interestes as ‘working out, cooking, travelling’? Raise your hands). There is so much more to attraction & relationships than just those factors.

The criteria for a significant other that many of us typically hold are much different, aren’t they? Looks, personality, compassion, charisma, sense of humor, intelligence, ability to communicate… just to name a few.

But really, when it comes down to it–there is no rhyme or reason for the people that we are attracted to or love… we just do. No explanation needed. He or she may not fit all of your criteria–but then again, you probably don’t fit anyone’s either. Get to know the person–focus on the good things, the things that make you happy–and love them. You’ll find that the rest of it will all fall into place.

What made me blog about this today? In all of my timelines, I see people that are looking to share their lives with someone. They’re smart, attractive, wonderful–but alone. My perspective? Their standards are so very high, and not always about the right things… He may not be as toned as you want him to be… She may not be very organized. But when it comes down to it, it’s what’s in the heart that matters. Focus on that.

And good luck.