Why Your Crappy English Makes Me Stabby

Yes. I win ALL the time.

I’m known for my obsession with grammar & spelling, both in person & online. People in my Twitter feed often get pissed at me, telling me to get a hobby or simply to f-ck off.

You know what? I’m not going anywhere, people.

Lamest reason EVER for being single & lonely.

Here’s the thing: With the vast majority of you, the only way I know you is through Twitter, or maybe my Facebook page. My first impression of you is the way you spell & structure your sentences. Remember the old adage, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression”? Yeah, that applies here. If you type/tweet/post like a moron, chances are high that I’m going to think you’re a moron… If the majority of your interactions with people are via text/tweet/Facebook post, some of those people may judge you on your atrocious grammar, too.

You could say I’m an a$$hole, which I very well could be–but I’m not. I see these stupid errors that people make–an unnecessary apostrophe, using “to” instead of “too,” or yet another FOB asking to “make phraansheep” with me–and I find them rather excruciating. For the majority of us (excluding the FOBs), English is our primary (or only) language. Why, then, is it so hard to master? Perhaps it’s not a priority for you, which is understandable; after all, there are so many other things to be concerned with in our daily lives, like what nail polish color you should choose or if your car is as cool as everyone else’s.

If you can’t spell or master basic English grammar, please realize that people may (and probably will) judge you for it. How will you ever apply for a job with a cover letter customized to that position? What about a dating profile? In both of these situations, your writing is your first impression. Don’t screw it up.

This may be your best course of action.

I hope you think of me as you type out your next tweet or send a message on shaadi.com to that sweet honey you’ve been eyeing for the last couple days. Who knows? That sweet little honey could be me.

Make me proud. Don’t look like an idiot.


8 comments on “Why Your Crappy English Makes Me Stabby

  1. […] Why Your Crappy English Makes Me Stabby. Share this:TwitterFacebookEmailRedditDiggPrintStumbleUponLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. Blogroll […]

  2. Puneet says:

    I love this – going to share this with people the next time I get called a condescending prick (to paraphrase) by those I correct.

  3. Sahil says:

    I missed this post earlier. Milap shared in on facebook and that’s when i read it. I’ve been thinking of something that reverberated with your sentence about English being the primary language for most of us – except FOBs (God, I hate that term but that’s not what this is about).

    Most of the lower middle class Indians, especially those from small cities or villages, (in other words “FOBs”) have probably never had any education above the middle school level, high school at best. Yet they do have cheap access to internet and they learn from other people how to use facebook, twitter and everything else.

    Now, understandably, since they have had no formal education in English and very little education at all they have no idea how to behave in a social environment in person or online and that leads to their phrandsheep requests.

    Not many people understand the situation, i think. I see so many comments, especially from girls, who are frustrated by the phransheep requests. I wonder how their English would be like if they had only picked it up from other people and not through formal education.

    I know my comment is completely tangential to what the blog post is about. Maybe i should write about it on my own blog in a more detailed manner.

    p.s. – Not blaming you at all on the FOB frustration, infact you are one of the few people who has atleast tried to understand that English isn’t their primary language. It’s just something that’s been on my mind.

  4. This did make me smile 🙂 I’ll confess to having messed up on Twitter and blog comments a lot more than I might like. In my defence, I think this kind of online communication is fraught with error because of the speed at which we have to use it. It’s like talking, only not. Add in the joy of the auto-correct function – and spelling is ruined forever.

    Still, I agree. It is a travesty.

  5. Cameron says:

    Here is one entertaining way of coping with people who fail at using their English as their first language.

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