Not Your Type.

How many times have you met someone & immediately thought to yourself ‘This guy/girl isn’t my type?’

Let me present you with two scenarios:

Scenario #1: You meet someone–a friend of a friend, a coworker, someone at a party. You think to yourself ‘He/she is nice, but not my type.’  Then you may see them a few more times… exchange a few pleasantries, maybe a laugh or two. You start to think ‘I like this person. Maybe we should hang out again.’ So you do… platonically, of course. You find yourself looking forward to spending time with this person, even though he or she isn’t your ‘type’. Your hands may brush as he hands you your beer, or she grabs a napkin to help you wipe the BBQ you spilled all over your shirt. Suddenly, and despite your best intentions… there it is: attraction.

Scenario #2: Your parents hand you a photo & a biodata (for those non-Indians reading this, a biodata is, essentially, a personal ad listing one’s profession, hobbies, family members’ backgrounds, and (if especially ignorant) skin tone). They ask you to review it (while they watch you like hawks) and determine if you think you want to meet this person. Honestly, if the person isn’t a looker, are you going to want to say yes? You know NOTHING about this person, except what is on that piece of paper. Even if they have an MD/JD/Ph.D. & are independently wealthy, will he or she make you laugh? Will he open the car door for you after a date? Will she make you feel better about that bald spot forming on your head? You don’t know that. The only thing keeping you from throwing the biodata in your parents’ faces & saying ‘HELL NO!’ are the inevitable groans & sighs from your parents, and the inevitable grumbling that ‘this is why you will never get married.’

Our parents think that we need to make a decision based on certain desirable characteristics: race (our own), caste (our own), education (Let’s just be honest. How many doctors have we all been set up with that can barely tie their own shoelaces or talk about something besides themselves?), family background, their purported interests (how many people’s parents have listed their interestes as ‘working out, cooking, travelling’? Raise your hands). There is so much more to attraction & relationships than just those factors.

The criteria for a significant other that many of us typically hold are much different, aren’t they? Looks, personality, compassion, charisma, sense of humor, intelligence, ability to communicate… just to name a few.

But really, when it comes down to it–there is no rhyme or reason for the people that we are attracted to or love… we just do. No explanation needed. He or she may not fit all of your criteria–but then again, you probably don’t fit anyone’s either. Get to know the person–focus on the good things, the things that make you happy–and love them. You’ll find that the rest of it will all fall into place.

What made me blog about this today? In all of my timelines, I see people that are looking to share their lives with someone. They’re smart, attractive, wonderful–but alone. My perspective? Their standards are so very high, and not always about the right things… He may not be as toned as you want him to be… She may not be very organized. But when it comes down to it, it’s what’s in the heart that matters. Focus on that.

And good luck.


9 comments on “Not Your Type.

  1. reena mumbai says:

    Loneliness is a self-perpetuated state of mind. I agree with you, ABG, people tend to stick to rigid criteria and play silly mind-games with themselves and prospective suitors. Let’s just all get real, eh?

  2. Also, if something is not working, it’s best to change it. My husband is like no one else I ever dated, and that’s probably why he’s my husband. As soon as I threw the idea out of my type out of the window and thought about the person, I was much happier, and I might not have ever known if I had still been caught up in things like a certain look, clothes, attitude, or music scene.

    Great post! I read some other stuff you wrote, too. Love your blog!

  3. Emma says:

    Girl, I LOVE your blog! You tell it like it is (esp for us desis) who are single!

    • Thanks, Emma! Twitter gives me perspective–I know I felt the same way as some of the younger girls that I see in my timeline. But I have also always been determined to live my life for myself, in a way that would make me happy/proud when I look back on it. I think that we, as desi females, tend to limit ourselves b/c of our culture, but we’re strong and can handle anything that comes our way. So why should we (and/or let the people in our lives) hold ourselves back? Live life. You only get one chance.

  4. you are the CHOSEN one gurl… live with it…

  5. J says:

    for someone who prides in being a ‘grammar nazi’, you really suck at run on sentences.

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